Beth Dean, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com
recently got engaged…to the man of my dreams! He is everything I’ve
ever wanted and more! It’s amazing actually. I never really believed in
soul mates, but if there is such a thing…he is mine! You would think
this happy great news would have me on cloud nine? Yes….and no…. Ever
since he proposed I have been having panic attacks and massive anxiety!
Not because I’m scared to marry him, I don’t want to or anything of that
nature. I’m scared for him. My disease became very real to me a few
days ago. Needless to say I have been having a string of shitty days
instead of one every so often. What if it gets worse? Soon? What if he
has to care for me, what about when I die? I don’t want to be a burden
to him. I’m scared! I made the mistake of GOOGLING all sorts of MS
related questions. Do not do this!!
I just want to be with him and be happy. But all these things are running through my head constantly.
I was searching for comfort and ended up making my worries even
heavier! Sickness has a way of sneaking up on you and taking pieces of
your happiness. I am personally sick of it! Instead of living in the
present and being filled with joy…I have been making myself sick with
worry about what COULD happen?!?! How messed up is that?
is different in everyone. Just because someone with MS is so bad off,
just because someone loses a battle with MS…does NOT mean you will!
I am owning my happiness. I am ready to start my life with a wonderful
man, our children and work on building our own family. He’s fully aware
of my illness, and all the comes with it. If I get sick, or anything to
that nature, isn’t that what the person you love is suppose to be there
for? Support…comfort…unconditional love?
I have all of
that. What am I tripping over? Being scared of the future
everyone. Sickness or not. That doesn’t mean that we deserve to be happy
any less than normal non-sick people. I quit here. No more worrying. No more setting up all night on the computer! NO MORE GOOGLING!!!
going to let myself be happy and deal with what comes when and if it
comes. Life is to sort and I am way to happy to lose one more minute to
Multiple Sclerosis…you are a bully and NO you can not have my lunch money…DAMMIT!
wedding won't be any time soon. But when I have our big day...ill take
tons of pics and update the angels ASAP! You've been with me every step
of the way and I would love nothing more than to share my big day with
all my ANGEL friends :)