Monday, December 30, 2013


Beth Dean, Columnist,
I recently got engaged…to the man of my dreams!  He is everything I’ve ever wanted and more! It’s amazing actually. I never really believed in soul mates, but if there is such a thing…he is mine! You would think this happy great news would have me on cloud nine? Yes….and no…. Ever since he proposed I have been having panic attacks and massive anxiety! Not because I’m scared to marry him, I don’t want to or anything of that nature. I’m scared for him.  My disease became very real to me a few days ago. Needless to say I have been having a string of shitty days instead of one every so often.  What if it gets worse? Soon? What if he has to care for me, what about when I die? I don’t want to be a burden to him. I’m scared! I made the mistake of GOOGLING all sorts of MS related questions. Do not do this!!

I just want to be with him and be happy. But all these things are running through my head constantly.

I was searching for comfort and ended up making my worries even heavier! Sickness has a way of sneaking up on you and taking pieces of your happiness. I am personally sick of it! Instead of living in the present and being filled with joy…I have been making myself sick with worry about what COULD happen?!?! How messed up is that?
MS is different in everyone. Just because someone with MS is so bad off, just because someone loses a battle with MS…does NOT mean you will!

Today I am owning my happiness. I am ready to start my life with a wonderful man, our children and work on building our own family. He’s fully aware of my illness, and all the comes with it. If I get sick, or anything to that nature, isn’t that what the person you love is suppose to be there for? Support…comfort…unconditional love?

I have all of that. What am I tripping over? Being scared of the future
happens to everyone. Sickness or not. That doesn’t mean that we deserve to be happy any less than normal non-sick people. I quit here. No more worrying. No more setting up all night on the computer! NO MORE GOOGLING!!!
 I’m going to let myself be happy and deal with what comes when and if it comes. Life is to sort and I am way to happy to lose one more minute to MS.

Multiple Sclerosis…you are a bully and NO you can not have my lunch money…DAMMIT!

PS...The wedding won't be any time soon. But when I have our big day...ill take tons of pics and update the angels ASAP! You've been with me every step of the way and I would love nothing more than to share my big day with all my ANGEL friends :)

DATING WITH MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: OMG! Dating in general sucks! Dating & having an incurable disease is tough!

If dating isn’t hard enough already, dating and having an incurable disease is tough! All kinds of things to think about, ponder over…Should I tell them up front, should I wait? What if they get scared or think I’m weird? Will they think they can catch it, will it matter? 

It’s all very frustrating to say the least! I think one of the big things for me was the physical limitations I was dealing with. 

I was so embarrassed for anyone to see me walk, try to put my hair in a ponytail…even stand still for any amount of time because my legs would start shaking uncontrollably! 

Because of all of these factors and because I was freshly diagnosed and still dealing with it myself, I just avoided dating all together! 

I talked to men, but at all costs I avoided meeting them in person! When I finally come to grips with the fact that I’ll have this disease for life, and this is who I am now…things got a little easier. 

I began dating, but it was so hard! I played it safe. I didn’t go out and do normal things that normal couples do. I stayed close to home. I didn’t like going out in public because I would have rather died than for people to see me needing someone to help me walk. I guess it was all to do with pride. I’m stubborn by nature, and would just rather tough it out and do it on my own than take help from anyone. 

Needless to say, my first relationship fresh out of the gate was a flop. Ended soon after it began. I retreated back to my hermit lifestyle and pushed away anyone that even tried to come in my life! 

Then I met a guy…a special kind of guy. I guess I could say a kind of guy I didn’t think still existed…We started off talking, as friends. I knew by then it was better to tell him upfront about my MS, didn’t make it any easier…but I sucked it up and laid it all out there. He asked questions about what it was exactly, how it affected me, what the treatments were and so on. But he never acted scared, just…curious. I kept a safe distance from him. Every time I felt myself getting closer I pulled away. Got back into my bubble and stayed there until I felt enough time had passed to come back out. 

For 3 months, he tried…and tried…and tried some more, while I pushed him away and kept myself miserable. I guess it all changed when he informed me he was moving 4 hours away and the realization that I could lose him really hit me. 

Making a long story short…since that day, I’ve actually been happy! Dating with MS is still a challenge. He understands there are just some things I can’t do. I can’t go and walk for hours, I can’t drive, I get tired and down right exhausted at times. The funny part is now I’m not the one saying all this out loud. He can look at me and tell I’ve had enough for the day. Or if I suggest an activity, he’ll be quick to veto the idea on account he doesn’t want to put me in a situation that could hurt me. 

Dating in general just sucks, plain and simple. But when you can get past all your insecurities and doubts…you could find someone that you’ve been looking for all along. 

So if you have MS…and you’re having a hard time back on the dating scene…take it slow. Slow and steady wins the race. Talk to your family and friends. Let them tell you how crazy you are for feeling inadequate. 


Beth Dean, Columnist,

Having Ms is difficult, especially if you’re a mother! Everyone with Multiple Sclerosis knows that the disease drains you of your energy. Makes it difficult for you to do the simplest of tasks. Everyday life and everyday things seems like they take great effort to accomplish. God blessed me with two kids. Long before my diagnosis of MS last year in October. My little boy is 9, turning 10 two days before my birthday in February. He is the epitome of a loving child. I truly believe he is an old soul, and he cares more for others than he does his own self. With that being said…he understands my disease. The workings of it, but he is still a child and the fact that mom is “lazy” seems to just set better with him…My little girl who is turning 4 on September 11th of this year is a whole different story in itself! I believe with everything in me God sent me this girl because he knew that I would need he to push me. She keeps me on my toes. A ball of energy fails to describe what she is. She is me….trapped in a child’s body. Mommy is tired…or my legs hurt is not a adequate excuse for this one. “Just try Mommy” and “You can do it, you’re strong” comes out of her mouth on a daily basis, and it is EXACTLY what I need to hear.  I couldn’t imagine my life without my kids. They are exact opposites. One has empathy and worry…they other pushes me to live and gives words of inspiration. Which are wonders for kids that are only 9 and 3!

I know people with MS have problems. New problems in fact everyday. But the choice to be a parent should not feel like a burden. It set me free. Without my little rays of sunshine, my life would be very different with this illness. Why would I need to get up in the morning? Why would I care? But they make me want to live, and live a good life. To the best of my ability. Finding love again makes you think. Do I want to have another child? I’m only 28...and I would love to have a little mix of me and my fiance’ to give me strength. It’s scary…of course!

All the articles I have read say thing like Pregnancy is good for patients with MS! Multiple Sclerosis and pregnancy is no different than the pregnancy of a healthy individual. There are risks after the birth of your child…risk that you could go into a flare. But if I’m not mistaken….don’t we run a risk everyday? Couldn’t we go into a flare any day…with no notice at all? Life is suppose to be made up of unknowns. It’s what makes it worth living. The very reason we should make everyday the best we can! So the long and short of this article is….LIVE! Have a baby if it’s what you want! Without mine, I might not be here to write this article. As I watch my 3 year old play on her little computer as mommy writes on hers…my advice to you….is LIVE! Be able to look at someone and say I enjoyed every moment of my crazy, annoying, sometimes shitty life!There ya go lol