Wednesday, January 15, 2014


The Only thing that hurts worse than realizing my little boy will turn 10 in 38 days, is the fact that I myself will be celebrating my last year in my 20's in 40! Oh the agony!!!
Everyone keeps telling me that your 30's are fun, amazing, wonderful. To that I reply..."I'm a woman! We are programmed at birth to loath turning 30. It's out of my hands".  Thirty, flirty and thriving in my reality is...Thirty, hurting and pain! I don't feel 28 as is.

I feel old...Older than old. My body has damn near started working against me. I fight myself everyday to get up and wash body! Add on top of all this that my baby boy, my first born is entering double digits two days before my sad...sad birthday.

I will surely be in the bed from depression. He's growing up on me, and if the day of my birth isn't enough to remind me of how old I am, he makes up for it. I remember holding him in my arms. He was so tiny, and perfect and volnerable. Now, my 9 year old son sets only 5 inches smaller than me, and out weighs me by 20 pounds! life is flashing before my eyes and i have no way of slowing it down. That's how it is though right?

Same with life as Multiple sclerosis if you think about it. There are things you can do to improve your quality of life ( with life & MS ), there are moments that seem to be devistating, moments that seem to make it all worth it. There are things you can do to slow it ( again life and MS ) for a brief while, but in the end you can't stop it, no matter how bad you want to.

Life goes on...and even though we don't want it does MS...dammit!

So this is me...dreading my thirties, hurting that my babies aren't babies any longer, but loving every second of my life, because I still have one!