Saturday, May 11, 2013

I'M BARFING NEXT TIME I HEAR: "You Don't Look Sick Beth"

It’s a hard thing to explain MS to people who have no clue what it is. I find people have a difficult time even believing I’m sick in the first place. “You don’t look sick” has become the phrase of choice in my life. 

That is one of the advantages/disadavantages of this disease. 

On one hand, I really don’t want to look sick. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me by no means! But on the other hand people look at me like I’m crazy sometimes when I get tired easily or can’t walk for long periods of time without resting. “You look normal”…

Well thank you! I didn’t know that people with a disease are suppose to look abnormal! It really gets under my skin. 

I don’t mind breaking it down for people. Explaining what is going on within my own body…I’ve got quiet good at it actually. I tell most like I told my 9 year old son, Everyone has a tiny army in their body that fights off all the bad virus guys when your sick; that army is called your Immune system. say it with me people: "Immune System"…..Well when you have MS, your little army guys aka. Immune System…Says Hey, I don’t want to snack on nasty virus bad guys, I think I’ll eat on some of this yummy fatty stuff that is protecting Mommies nerves! Remember, I’m talking to a 9 year old…most of the time! When they do that and eat away all the fat that protect the nerves it makes big sores on my brain, neck and spine, which causes mommy to do the Frankenstein shuffle some days. 

See, it’s not hard to break it down to were even a kid can understand, but people can still not grasp the concept that I don’t look sick. 

Listen, I may not…I may look fine. But I FEEL sick! All the time! 

I push through. I’m very stubborn and independent, but please don’t tell me I don’t look sick. Because I will take it as a compliment. That means I’m doing all this right. Smiling even when I don’t want to, making fun of myself when sometimes I wanna cry, doing the stand up comedy at my very own pity party! 

Some wonder why I tell people I have MS. My answer? It’s not going away! EVER! In October of 2012 the old me left..this is me now. I live with this everyday and if you want to be in my life, you’ll have to accept me. My disease and all. It’s a package deal really. 

So for all that don’t know me or some that do. My name is Beth Dean and I’m living with Multiple Sclerosis.

I don’t look sick but on the inside I’m a mess