I
have never particularly liked going to the doctor, but since my
diagnosis with MS I LOATH IT! Of course they always make you fill out
paper work each visit no matter what kind of doctor or visit it is. The
usual questions….Name, birthday, do you smoke, kids, surgeries….and then
the dreaded question. Have you been diagnosed with a illness in the
past year? Dear God I hate answering this question!!! I know I have
to…need to put yes, Multiple Sclerosis. But every inch of me wants to
put NO…I’m FINE! But I such it up and be a big girl and write my disease
and all my medicines down in the little box provided. I set, and wait.
Wait for the usual reaction that usually follows. By the time I’m called
back to see the doctor, I have prepared myself for the bombardment that
is soon to come. Yet as soon as the words leave my doctor’s mouth “ You
have MS…You’re so young, how’d it happen? Awe I’m sorry. That’s sad…you
have your whole life ahead of you” my face turns into a grimace. I grit
my teeth and reply to all their questions as
politely as possible. But let’s just be honest, this happens so
frequently that now a days politeness is a rare occurrence! Yes I am
young, it happened all of a damn sudden, yeah it’s okay….and YEAH, I do
have my whole life ahead of me. I think I’m doing pretty damn good. I
try very hard not to let this crap get me down. I definitely don’t need a
pity party and for people to act like my life is over. It’s far from
over. I won’t let that happen if at all possible. I plan on fighting
this thing as hard as possible! I will not set my ass in a wheelchair
until that is my only option. I will NOT cry in front of anyone, because
I don’t want to appear weak. I will NOT complain and whine all day
everyday so people can thing. Poor little thing. Forget that! Days are
shitty for sure. Some days I can’t stand my own self. I feel like
digging a hole and jumping in, but to do so that would require me to dig
a hole and jump in and I haven’t got the energy to do either! I just
want to live my life. As hard and complicated as it is. I want to
struggle silently on my bad days and laugh loudly on the others. And
when I do feel low I have a great support community in Stan’s Angels.
They get me through!! And the support of my friends and family make me
strong. I am 28 years old. Diagnosed with MS. I have 2 kids that I care
for full time! I have a boyfriend, I am a daughter, sister and friend. I
am making it…And that’s what I really feel like writing in those damn
little boxes at the doctor’s office!
